In the off chance you were wondering what I’ve been up to since my last blog post, here’s part of your answer.

Yep, I’ve been been doing the incredibly important task known as Gaming. But Cosmia, you may object, the date says 2024. It’s 2026 now! Right you are if you caught that. The truth is I originally wrote this blog a couple summers ago, but I decided to bring it back from the dead. The other post I’m working on will take a while, and reworking this one takes… y’know, less long. Also considering the recent breakout of war in the Middle East, this game seems increasingly relevant.

To be clear, gaming is not the only thing I’ve been up to, but I’m not going to get into that here. I’ve got my work, I’ve got my goals, I’ve got my stretch goals, and I’ve got my elaborate distractions. The way I balance all of these needs work, but I don’t consider the distractions worthless. You can get some insight from them. Like I did with Unicorn Overlord. It is not common for me to spend this much time on any one game. I would never stick with it this long if I didn’t enjoy it substantially. I didn’t love everything about it, but I did love a lot of it. I’m fond of tactical RPGs and Unicorn Overlord delivered. I’ve got quite a few thoughts built up over that playtime, so here’s where I’m putting them out. So read on if you’d like to see that. Be warned, there will be spoilers.

Feel free to use this table of contents to help navigate this blog. I know it’s long, but it’s a hell of a lot shorter than the game itself. Feel free to skip around to whatever interests you. You can skip to the conclusion if you just want my overall review/thoughts spoiler-free.

1. The Story
   1. Province of Famine
2. The Characters
   1. Alain
   2. Lex
   3. Scarlett
   4. Chloe
   5. Travis
   6. Sharon
   7. Yahna
   8. Virginia
   9. Gilbert
   10. Berengaria
   11. Ridiel
   12. Rosalinde
   13. Tatiana
   14. Shrine of the Maiden
3. The Art, the Music, and Other Assorted Non-Gameplay Things
4. The Gameplay
5. Conclusion

The Story

My first exposure to Vanillaware games was 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim. That game has a fascinating story from many angles. I got my good friend Spartan to play it for a Game Trade, which you can read here. He’s not exactly as enthusiastic about the game as I am, but oh well. With 13 Sentinels as the standard Unicorn Overlord’s story seems disappointing in comparison. (To be fair, most games have a hard time topping it). The overarching plot is a fantasy war not dramatically far from convention. It’s nothing mindblowing, and I kinda hoped it would be. Yet it is a story that suits the game, and it certainly has its strong points. So let’s get into it.

The story begins with the medieval kingdom of Cornia overrun by an uprising. Queen Illenia commands her knight Josef to run away with her son while she meets her fate head on. 

This fight fades to white before we can see its conclusion, but it cuts to Valmore still standing. He then takes on the name Galerius as he conquers the rest of the continent. Welp. Before we get into what happens next I’d like to comment on Illenia and Valmore’s exchange. Here we see Valmore lay out his reasoning plain and simple. Of course there’s more to it as the story goes on, but he’s not lying. He’s representing an ancient civilization, Zenoira, who he sees as the rightful rulers of the entire land. So he seeks to subjugate the continent under the Zenoiran banner. I don’t know about you, but that kinda sounds like fascism to me.

Of course this is all takes place in a medieval European inspired setting so fascism isn’t really a thing yet, but it’s a similar line of thought. He calls upon the glory of some ancient empire to justify controlling the people of today by force. He sees no value in diversity, and only tolerates it insofar as they all stay in line. All who disagree risk imprisonment or death. He obviously doesn’t match any real world figure or ideology one for one, but you can find some eerie similarities. At the very least he is an authoritarian figure and obviously not a nice dude. He basically wants world domination. He wears imposing black armor and a red cape. He’s about as blatantly villainous as they come.

After Galerius takes control of the continent we’re hit with a 10 year time skip. The fallen Queen Illenia’s son has grown into a strapping young man. This is Alain, prince of Cornia, our protagonist for the rest of the game. He has blue hair because of course he does. What kind of JRPG prince would he be if he didn’t????? He’s been training with Josef and his bff Lex in preparation for the day he can finally free his people from Zenoiran rule. 

Alain’s fun time in exile is rudely interrupted by the arrival of a Zenoiran ship, and there’s a familiar face on board. Hodrick, the shield guy that fought alongside Queen Illenia 10 years ago, has converted to the dark side. He’s here to apprehend Scarlett, a young priestess on the island, for reasons that aren’t explained until much later. Naturally, a battle ensues. This is the first battle in Unicorn Overlord’s extended military campaign. Assuming you’re competent enough to get past the tutorial you defeat Zenoira and free Hodrick from whatever weird ass mind control he was suffering from. Unfortunately, Scarlett was still captured, so we gotta go save our damsel in distress or whatever. And also save the continent maybe. Point is, they’ve got reason to leave the island and fight now.

I could break down the rest of the story step by step, but that would take forever and isn’t really necessary. The Liberation Army loosens Zenoira’s grip one battle at a time, taking on more allies along the way. Said allies come from all different walks of life. Whether you come from poverty or royalty you’re all welcome as long as you support the cause. Hell, they even accept folks from different races as well. I’m not just talking races in the real world social construct sense. These people are distinguished by more than just melanin. We’ve got humans, elves, dark elves, half-elves, angels, and all kinds of furries bestrals too!

Sometimes the big dude you fought in a chapter can become your ally after it’s over. Assuming you don’t execute them any way. You can build a multiracial coalition that believes in restorative justice to take down the tyrant. Rev. Jesse Jackson’s rainbow coalition lives on! Indeed as long as you play the game to its ending and don’t press the execute button every time that’s just what you do. The Liberation Army kills a shit load of people along the way, but second chances do happen. Your army starts small, but as you win people over one by one it becomes an unstoppable force by the end. All for the cause of liberation. Anyone wishing to make a positive change in the real world should take note. 

So overall the story’s pretty straightforward, but it works fine. If this game took place in space people would call it a Star Wars rip off. Honestly you could make a case for it being one regardless. Alain’s a lot like Luke Skywalker. Galerius and Baltro aren’t too far off from Vader and the Sith. Especially if you consider the twist at the end. If you beat the game you know what I mean. The parallels run deeper than they seem at first glance. So I can’t call the story especially innovative. There’s a lot of stuff we’ve seen before in a new packaging. Yet somehow it works pretty well.

Even though the overarching story’s nothing too special there’s compelling writing within. Many of the battles have their own mini-stories, and there’s some good shit there. I’m particularly struck by the empathy the game encourages for many of our opponents. Sure the main villains are almost absurdly reprehensible, but that’s not necessarily true of the rest. Everyone has their own reasons to fight, and sometimes they’re legitimately well intentioned.

Province of Famine

This particular side quest shows how thoughtful the story can be. Here we’re introduced to Adel, a knight who has a bone to pick with the new lord of his province. Supposedly he’s been taking food from everyone via taxation, and they struggle with what little they have left. Sounds like just the kind of tyrant the Liberation Army needs to take down!!!! The battle starts out pretty smoothly. Adel’s able to convince the first Ashen Blue knights he comes across to turncoat to our side. However, once the troops march deeper into the province the rest of the knights aren’t so agreeable. 

That’s uhhh… a lot. This dude casually admitted to planning on killing himself and his whole family before Gaston came around. With that level of oversharing he’s probably telling the truth. Lord Gaston lifted this knight out of a dark place. It would be weirder if the knight didn’t stand by his lord after that. That’s perfectly reasonable, besides the whole potential family annihilation part. Unfortunately, that noble loyalty means they must stand against our Liberation Army. So they do, and every time we defeat another knight they give us dialogue to lay the guilt on thick. 

These guys could have easily been our allies under different circumstances. Hell, two of their members stand among our ranks. Since we want their lord’s head they have to stand in our way. The game’s trying to make us question if we’re really doing the right thing. It’s safe to say the Liberation Army’s overall cause is just, but the morality of this particular battle is murky at best.

It’s worth noting that Adel fled his province. He hates the new leadership, but he hasn’t spent that much time actually living under it. He’s certainly not alone in his hatred of Gaston, but evidently that’s not a universally held position. The people may be struggling, but they aren’t starving. Knowing this doesn’t stop the Liberation Army from marching onwards.

… The EVIL MUST BE VANQUISHED!!!!!

We’re still convinced that Gaston’s evil. Gaston’s still convinced that we’re a bunch of idealistic dumbasses that will lead the province to ruin via famine. As such, we fight. After Gaston takes an L he leaves the Liberation Army with some food for thought.

Alright, let’s review what happened. Gaston taxed and rationed food to prepare his province for any impending famine. It sucks for the people having to limit their food when there’s plenty available, but when the going gets tough those stores can come in clutch. Because Gaston experienced starvation as a child he did everything in his power to prevent the people of the province from suffering the same fate. Truthfully Gaston’s correct to worry about famine in war. There’s plenty of real world examples we can point to where that happens. Past, present, and most likely our future as well.

One example that immediately comes to mind is Gaza, where starvation is ravaging the population. It’s not just Israel’s bombs killing people there, it’s the sheer lack of resources as well… which Israel severely restricts. We may never know exactly how many Palestinians have died to famine in this conflict, but it’s certainly quite a few. Israel’s not quite as aggressive against Palestinians these days. They’re more focused on Iran and Lebanon at the moment. Yet resources into Gaza are still heavily restricted. Many Palestinians are still starving. If only they had Lord Gaston to help. I bet the IDF would’ve assassinated his ass… Point is, famine is one of the horrors of wars that people usually don’t give much thought. I appreciate how this chapter highlights the issue.

So was Gaston truly the evil gluttonous man hoarding food that Adel was convinced he was? Nope. Did he or his loyal knights deserve to die in this battle? Nope. They’re clearly not as monstrous as initially claimed. Many of his men thought him a good man, but we slayed him nevertheless. His death is the kind of collateral damage that war makes inevitable. 

This is not to say Gaston did nothing wrong. He rationed food by force and seemingly did a poor job communicating his reasoning to the people. He made a unilateral decision for what he saw as the people’s best interest, but he bred resentment in the process. It may be true that nobody starved under his rule, but the people weren’t exactly flourishing either. In his one track mind to combat famine he lost sight of other important components of being a good leader. He clearly wasn’t playing by the same rules his subjects were either. Thanks to his poorly communicated heavy handed approach he met his fate. 

This is just one of many chapters in the game. There are others that present similar conundrums. I won’t say the writing’s amazing here. The message isn’t subtle in the slightest, they’re practically beating you over the head with it by the end. It borders on cheesy at points. Even so, it’s chapters like this where Unicorn Overlord’s storytelling truly shines. It’s surprisingly nuanced, well aware of the unpleasant sides of war. Throughout the battle we’re drip fed a variety of perspectives on Gaston. By the time we actually fight him one wonders if we really should be killing him at all. Even a well intentioned army can cause serious damage to people who don’t necessarily deserve it. This chapter makes that abundantly clear.

All in all the story is not this game’s greatest strength, but it’s not really a weakness either. Even if the general plot’s kinda basic there’s some real bangers along the way. It would take forever to break down every part I found compelling, but trust me, there’s plenty of them. I zoomed in on “Province of Famine” because it illustrated my point well, but there’s even better chapters later on. If you haven’t played the game yet I’d encourage you to see them for yourself.

The Characters

Unicorn Overlord gives you quite a few characters to play around with as the game progresses. It’s a lot like Fire Emblem in this regard. Some characters are more important to the story than others, but you can find something to like about pretty much everyone you recruit… maybe ignoring the generic mercenaries any way. Even if a character doesn’t contribute to the story beyond the chapter they’re introduced, you can find some good conversations in the Rapport system. Not every rapport conversation is interesting, but a lot of them are. In the end I found myself attached to more characters than I expected. Some of these characters live rent-free in my head to this day. In this section I’ll gush about my favs and discuss a few characters that I kinda can’t ignore.

Alain

Alain’s kind of impressive in a way. He has enough personality to not be completely boring every time he’s on screen, but not enough to get in the way of him being a self-insert. He’s kinda like Juro from 13 Sentinels. Except he doesn’t have any discernible hobbies whatsoever unless training his sword skillz counts. In spite of being a bit of a blank slate I kinda like him. He’s a genuinely nice guy, levelheaded, and weirdly mature for his age. I forgot he was supposed to be 17 until I replayed the opening for this blog. He sure doesn’t act like it. He’s been through a lot at a young age, but he’s also had plenty of time to process it. Ten years under Josef’s tutelage with a few great friends to keep him company. Those ten years turned him into a considerate and introspective guy who’s strong in many respects. Also there’s the thing where adult writers often don’t do a particularly good job writing teenage characters like actual teenagers. Those teenage characters frequently act more like adults than they realistically would. Alain being a prime example. He’s put in an adult position and handles things in a largely adult way. Does it really make sense? Eh… I mean, it’s not impossible for a 17 year old to act like Alain I guess. Not likely. Dude’s remarkably level headed.

Lex

Now Lex, the bff has a stronger personality, but not by that much. As his hair color indicates he’s more spunky and hotheaded than his blue haired buddy. But even then, it’s nothing too crazy. He’s also remarkably clueless when it comes to women. Is he even into them at all? Hard to say. Lex is generally likable, he’s got a good head on his shoulders. However, I can’t say he’s especially interesting.

Scarlett

Now Scarlett’s probably the closest thing to a canon ship for Alain. This is fitting, because she doesn’t have much of a personality either. She’s a priestess and essentially the daughter of a pope. Which is something I guess. As someone who’s not a fan of religion I can’t say that does much for me. What else? Uh, she’s kinda jealous of all the other women Alain talks to. That’s sort of cute maybe? She isn’t obnoxious about it. I’m sure there’s people out there who’d find it cute. Besides that I like her voice line when she’s facing a losing battle, “How do I get out of this?” That’s probably the most relatable thing she says in the whole game.

Chloe

As far as the OG friend group goes Chloe’s easily my favorite. Not only does she have more personality than the other three, but it’s a pretty damn good one. She’s down to earth, somewhat tomboyish, and rather diligent. The way she navigates the tension between her position serving under Alain and her position as his friend is interesting. She knows not to speak out of turn in public, but she wants to make sure Alain doesn’t lose sight of himself when they’re alone. It’s a friendship that’s aware of the boundaries of status but crosses them whenever it’s needed. Also she’s pretty much single handedly responsible for recruiting Ridiel into the army. Major props for that.

Travis

Alright I’ve run out of characters I feel obligated to discuss. I would’ve talked about Alain and Chloe regardless, but y’know. From this point on it’s only characters I feel like talking about. So suffice to say I like Travis. Those edgy thief type characters usually appeal to me, and he’s no exception. One of the highlights of this game is watching Travis dodge a multi-hit attack. With every blow he swiftly dodges and goes “Nope- No- Saw th- N- N- Nope!” What a guy! He’s also a Book Reader, a trait I find relatable. Admittedly he’s more avid than I am. He’s also got a complicated relationship with his sister. As an only child I can’t say I relate to that part, but it’s decently compelling. Travis isn’t exactly a top favorite, but I like his vibe. He rocks that purple.

Sharon

This lady’s one of those rare characters that’s really religious, but I still quite like them. Why is that? Perhaps because she’s chill af? That’s certainly part of it, but not the full story. Her religiosity inspires her to be a kind person, not dogmatic. An all encompassing kindness that applies to humans, other fantasy races, and animals alike. Yet she doubts her own kindness, which probably has something to do with orphan related trauma. She’s also got a queer friendship with an angel. A lady of faith indeed. Is fucking an angel blasphemous or the epitome of piety? Hmmm… Another highlight is her rizzing up Lex and him being a complete dumbass about it. Yet my absolute favorite Sharon moment happens if you choose to give her the Ring of the Maiden.

You know, maybe it’s just me. Perhaps it’s just my mind being perpetually in the gutter. But this lady’s kindaaaa kinky right? You don’t see somebody get that enthusiastic about kissing wounds often. And Alain’s just going right along with it. I love that for her.

Yahna

Oh no she’s hot. I’ll try to keep my thirstiness to a minimum, but uhhh… let’s just say Yahna’s design has its intended effect on me. Also her idle animation in her base class is something else. It’s a perfect mix between provocative and unsettling.

Past the surface level attractiveness the everything else part’s great too. She may look young, but she’s actually an elder witch. She used up most of her magic to make herself look young again. In-game this has plenty of benefits. She brings the experience of an old witch wherever arcane knowledge is needed. Her rejuvenation spell drained most of her magic, justifying why she’s not ridiculously OP immediately. It also explains why she was able to hide from Zenoira for so long without getting caught. And of course she’s quite enjoyable to watch in combat. This isn’t just because she’s hot. Her animations are great in general. Like the way she materializes into the stage from a swarm of bats, or her sassy levitation when she wins. It’s not just the way she dresses that’s entrancing, it’s the way she carries herself too.

Her magic grows stronger when she talks. Biased as I definitely am, her set of rapport conversations have to be top 3 at bare minimum. This is where her being the resident grandma really shines through. To some characters she’s an endlessly insightful mentor. She looks out for her peers like it’s second nature. To others she’s an old friend or acquaitance that brings out some surprising history. Who knew that Josef, a somewhat stuffy man in his old age, used to be a rambunctious little shit? Or that Hodrick accidentally messed with Yahna’s magic, inadvertently summoning an army of spirit cats? Every conversation brings something new to the table without rehashing the same notes. That’s not something I can say about every character’s rapports. Even some of the ones I like.

I also appreciate how they address Yahna’s attire in the rapports. Take her conversation with Hodrick, where they attack the subject matter head on.

Now this is the kind of talk that should shut down any dumbass discourse before it started. I haven’t seen anyone talking shit about Yahna’s oversexualized design or whatever they yap about thankfully. To be fair, that’s probably because there aren’t that many people who played this game in the first place. Especially not the type to get hung up on that kind of thing. Also I’m not Twitter any more. But if the yappers still wanted to yap, I could see them make a counterargument along these lines: “Yahna does not choose her clothes, nor her dialogue. The game developers do. It’s all just a convenient excuse to sexualize women!!!!!” Honestly that hypothetical person in my head wouldn’t be completely wrong for saying that. There’s plenty of problems with how women are depicted in video games. You could argue Yahna’s just another ridiculous sexy witch for the pile. But if you ask me, she’s more than that. There may be an issue with how women are depicted broadly, but I don’t think it’s a big problem in this case. But didn’t you know sexualization is bad? Anime women wearing revealing clothes is evil because it reinforces the patriarchy and such. It’s bad when actual women do it too. Everyone should just dress like a nun for the sake of equal rights! Or something.

Okay Yahna wears a revealing outfit, sways her hips in a strange way during her idle animation, and her breasts shake a bit during some of her attack animations. The on-screen sexuality of her character pretty much begins and ends there. That’s really not anything too crazy. It’s not like every female character’s given a ridiculous sexy design. If you want to get nitpicky about legs or whatever sure, but there’s no one else like Yahna.

Additionally, her reasoning for choosing such an outfit makes sense and suits her character. It’s common and sensible for a mage to prioritize mobility. They like to keep their distance, and mobility helps them maintain it. Also if she’s an old woman happy with her new body it’s not much of a stretch to imagine her wanting to show it off. Believe it or not some women legitimately like looking and feeling sexy. It’s not an excuse to get handsy without permission or any shit like that. Nobody in-game treats her like that either. Indeed seemingly everyone in Unicorn Overlord respects her boundaries. Yahna’s right, people should be allowed to wear whatever they desire. Perhaps there are specific situations where exceptions could be made. Even if that’s the case, I don’t see the necessity for one in a video game fantasy war zone. Yahna’s fabulous and I will hear no words to the contrary.

Virginia

In spite of how much I wrote about Yahna she’s not necessarily my favorite. I mean, she might be, but there’s some tough competition. Virginia comes to mind. Turns out Alain’s not the only surviving member of the royal family. His mother-sister-coded cousin went into hiding in Drakenhold at the same time Alain went into exile. During that time neither knew the other’s fate. They both trained hard for the day they could reclaim their throne. But it seems like Alain beat her to the punch a bit. A lesser game would completely brush over that tension, but Virginia goes ahead and talks about it herself later on.

Royal succession can be a pretty fucked up system. Doesn’t matter in the slightest who’s more fit to rule between these two. Virginia could be leagues above Alain in competency and he’d still be considered the rightful heir by royal succession standards. He’s both a dude and a direct descendant of the previous ruler. Therefore he wins out by default. Virginia has to give up her ambitions by simple virtue of Alain still being alive. To do otherwise means causing political strife and hurting her only known living relative in the process. In spite of her hotheaded demeanor she made the mature choice and sucked it all up. She likes Alain too much to strike him down. Gotta respect that.

When I think of Virginia “Queen” is the word that constantly comes to mind. This word applies in so many senses. Not only is preparing to be queen a big part of her backstory, but it pervades her character. I can point to her design, where she manages to look regal, imposing, and gorgeous at the same time. Also not coincidentally quite similar to Queen Illenia, even occupying the exact same class. With that queenly appearance comes a queenly demeanor. Either you respect her or she’ll use that big ass sword to make you respect her. You’ll find yourself kneeling either way.

There’s something to say about the patriarchal expectations we put on a country’s leadership. Whether it be royalty, a modern day presidency, or anything similar, there’s a certain degree of masculinity we project on to the role. It’s no coincidence that most people in those positions, both historically and presently, are men. This is not because men are inherently better suited for the role. However, there is a pervasive perception in society that they are. Hence if a women wants to rise to that position, they generally have to take on masculine-coded traits to be taken seriously. Virginia often comes across as aggressive and domineering, far more than Alain ever does. This forceful hands-on demeanor helps give her the aura of leadership necessary to be respected as a ruler. That masculine bravado’s probably not going to help much making good decisions for the country. How’s it helping ‘Murica against Iran? Yeahhhh we’re big tough guys. Yeahhhh we’re going to make big threats and big threats and big threats and uhhh… maybe hopefully you’ll back down and open the Strait of Hormuz for us pretty please? Hell yeah brother! Even though the projected confidence is showing its limits now it probably helped Trump quite a bit getting elected in the first place. In much the same way Virginia probably needs to take on that aggression to be seen as a legitimate leader. Can’t fully escape societal expectations, even in the video game…

To be clear, I don’t think Virginia’s faking her domineering nature. It does seem to be a genuine part of her personality. But how much of that personality is intrinsic to her, and how much of it is a product of her upbringing? The game does not offer a definitive answer to that, but surely there’s at least a bit of both going on. We know it’s at least partially a facade, because that attitude’s nowhere to be found in her weak moments. Just look at how she reacts to bugs in her rapports, or the weirdly cute pose she takes when she’s having a rough time in battle.

This is not to say she’s some weak woman at heart or whatever. No, fuck that. This is all to say she’s a (fictional) person with dimensions, and her cute side is top notch. Bit of a shame we don’t get to see that too often, but it’s all the more impactful when it does happen. You could say she’s the Gap Moe Queen, but honestly there’s some tough competition out there. None can beat her for that title within this game though. Hell, she even becomes an actual queen by the end regardless too. Just not in the way she envisioned.

Gilbert

Meet Gilbert, the prince and eventual king of Drakenhold. He parallels Alain in many ways, including his effort to restore his kingdom from Zenoiran clutches. We help him out in that capacity, and he decides to join our ranks once we’re done liberating his land. Anything to stick around his homegirl Virginia- I mean what, no! That has nothing to do with it! But before I touch on that aspect let’s talk a bit more about Gilbert alone.

Let’s be honest here, this dude does not look like we’d expect a king to. Take that cape off and I’d hardly be able to tell at all. That slim build and hair that’s not too far off from a manbun isn’t doing him any favors. He doesn’t quite match the presence of our Cornian royals either. If you focused on just these (mostly) superficial details you’d wonder if he’s fit to be king at all. As it happens, Gilbert wonders much the same.

Gilbert is mired in self-doubt as he prepares to take the throne, and it even continues after the fact. Part of it’s an inferiority complex towards his older brother, who he percieves as a better leader. Yet that same brother took a massive L in battle so bad he went into hiding and changed his name. Even after the pair reunites Ludwig refuses to claim the throne. Their parents are dead, no other obvious heir exists, so the responsibility rests on Gilbert’s shoulders. In spite of his doubts he takes it on.

In reality Gilbert has many of the important qualities needed to lead. He’s thoughtful, compassionate, and levelheaded. All traits that are quite helpful for taking care of one’s people and dealing well with others. Perhaps even more important than that is the fact he step ups when needed. Gilbert didn’t know the Liberation Army would ever help him, yet he rallied his troops to retake Drakenhold any way. While his brother actively avoided such responsibilities he cast away his doubts and took things head on. He never lets his worries prevent him from fulfilling his responsibilities and beyond. Perhaps we could all learn from him.

While these lines are tailored to the circumstances of Unicorn Overlord‘s world, it has plenty of real world application. Cornia is a prosperous nation with no lack in resources. Not to say its devoid of suffering, especially recently, but those problems generally don’t stem from the land. It’s kind of like America in that regard. As many problems as my country has, a lack of resources isn’t one of them. The way those resources are distributed though? Oof. These lines are a reminder that those disproportionate fortunes come with a price. Imbalance breeds resentment, and that’s dangerous to ignore. If you can’t feel safe outside a gated community are you really free? You got the freedom to walk around everywhere with a security detail I guess. Fortunately for Unicorn Overlord-verse, I’m sure Alain takes these imbalances and responsibilities more seriously than the current people running my country.

Alright, now let’s talk about his relationship with Virginia. When she became a refugee Gilbert offered her a hand. In-game its been about ten years since then, and he’s developed a major crush on her in that time. Yet whether it be due to insecurity, desire to maintain their friendship, respect for their positions, or any other weak willed reason, he hasn’t told her yet. Virginia seems weirdly oblivious about it too. To be fair he does shows some signs. In their rapports he insists she should be in his unit, and claims that he’d lead her better than Alain. Supposedly it’s just because he knows how to lead her best, but there’s obviously more to it than that. Alain’s his biggest rival in many respects.

While Gilbert and Alain have a sort of rivalry going, his rivalry with Virginia is more longstanding. He brings out her competitive side in sparring matches and even drinking by the end of the game. This dynamic makes their tension more palpable. Well fitting of what is arguably the only canon ship in the game. Others may be heavily hinted on, but Gilbert straight up proposes to and marries Virginia in the epilogue. Assuming you don’t have Alain marry Virginia himself any way. So even when she can’t be queen of Cornia she becomes queen of Drakenhold. Virginia’s a guaranteed queen, as she should be. They’ve got a nice dynamic that balances each other well. I support it. Or at least, I would normally. We’ll get back to that later.

Berengaria

You know, you’d think “woman with abs” would be a common sight in a fantasy war zone, but I can’t think of too many other cases where it happens. I guess there’s Mikasa, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing. To be fair, there’s a few other ladies in this game that probably have them. Amalia and Berenice almost certainly do. Hilda and Virginia might. Wouldn’t be surprised if either of the hammer wielding gals do. Etcetera, etcera. I’m not super into abs personally, but it feels necessary for female characters to have them sometimes. I tend to find those standard slender anime lady body types appealing, but mixing things up is important. Thankfully we got Berengaria to uh, kinda do that. She’s mostly just tall and reasonably muscular. It’s not much, but by anime standards it’s still pushing the envelope.

So what else is there to say about Berengaria’s design? She manages to look both intimidating and fanservicey at the same time, which is impressive in its own right. She’s also got butch vibes, but I’m hard pressed to find any dialogue implying she’s anything but straight. This is a bit surprising considering how many other characters have those kind of hints in abundance. Perhaps Berengaria being straight is just another way she subverts our expectations. Totally.

But really, what you see is what you get with Berengaria for the most part. She’s got a rough exterior, and a mostly rough interior as well. Yeah sure she’s got some cute side she’ll show Alain or whatever. But otherwise the only real major exception is how she interacts with her little brother Travis. She feels guilt about abandoning him a while back, and reconciliation does not come naturally to her. Even so, their care for each other shines through. Being an only child myself I can’t confirm that their relationship rings true, but it probably does.

Ridiel

Ridiel’s not exactly integral to the plot, but she’s integral to my heart… or something. Point is I’m only talking about her because I quite like her. If you know anything about my taste in (anime) women you probably won’t be surprised by her inclusion. Pretty dark hair? Check. Personality that has a bite without being completely closed off? Check. What makes things even better is that she’s biracial. A fact that makes her all the more appealing to me, but has caused her plenty of trouble.

I relate to Ridiel to some extent being mixed race myself. I am zero parts elf, one quarter Black, and otherwise a blend of European countries. I haven’t experienced the discrimination she has. I just look like a white dude… in America. But being mixed race means there’s always some distance between you and the communities of your heritage. Ridiel may be accepted by individual humans and elves, but she’ll never fully integrate with either. Some among the human and elf ranks will always view her with distrust by nature of her mixed heritage. That’s not going away any time soon, if ever.

Ridiel wanted to be an elven knight like her mother, but half-elves aren’t allowed to do so. Folks treated her with distrust from a young age, and at some point she brought that energy right back at them. She’s introduced as an information broker willing to deal with both sides for personal advantage. In spite of her conniving ways Chloe sees something in her, and with persistence she eventually convinces Ridiel to join the fray. I’m glad she did.

Perhaps Chloe was a bit too successful in bringing Ridiel into the fold. They become good friends and now Ridiel can hardly go a single rapport conversation without mentioning her. She’s quite attached to Chloe, to an extent that I have to wonder if it’s purely platonic. Probably not, but this game’s not going to outright say it. It never does.

If Ridiel’s not talking about Chloe she’s probably talking about her complicated feelings towards her mother instead. She both idolizes her and blames her mother for her own misfortune. She’s pissy about her mother’s choice to get it on with a human, which she bears the consequences of. Being biracial comes with its own problems, and those issues are surely amplified in a medieval setting. Ridiel also resents her mother for being idealistic and getting killed in battle any way. Seeing her mother seemingly do everything “right” but get killed for it jaded her severely. This goes a long way to explaining why she acts the way she does when we first meet her.

Overall Ridiel’s a character I wish they did a bit more with. Beyond her complicated feelings towards her mother and her budding friendship with Chloe there’s not that much going on. Fortunately those two factors are a rich text in themselves. Basically she’s got great writing for a side character. Perhaps I just wish she were more integral so she’d get more-than-a-side-character writing.

Rosalinde

Rosalinde’s a welcome sight. Even if I knew absolutely nothing else about her, seeing more dark skinned anime style characters is always a plus. As long as they’re not drawn as racist charicatures any way. Rosalinde passes that test easily, so I gotta appreciate her. She’s a dark elf, which is apparently a thing in Norse mythology. Perhaps there’s a case to be made that the dark elf/light elf dichotomy is problematic in its own right, but that’s a whole can of worms I’d rather not get into. Like wow, if you dig deep into this centuries old mythology you’ll find some stuff we’d find objectionable by modern day standards. Woah! Or perhaps it’s that our modern standards are making us read into things of the past certain ways without that being an intended meaning at all. Also plausible. Oh shit I’m already getting into it a bit too much. To Unicorn Overlord‘s credit, they sidestep this issue rather artfully.

When you check the archives’ description of dark elves you learn that there’s no physiological difference between dark elves and light elves beyond their appearance. Dark elves got their own unique propensities, like their preference for underground cities. I gotta wonder how the hell they’re so dark skinned when they don’t get much sun, but whatever. Either way they really aren’t that different. The game doesn’t treat them much differently either. I imagine there’s some form of tension between the two types, but the game doesn’t call attention to it. Seems like the elves are far more concerned with the outside force of Zenoira than any internal squabbling at the moment.

Okay seriously, just replace the word “Zenoira” with “fascism” and this dialogue has an important message to listen to. There’s some dangerous fuckers looking to subjugate the rest of us in the real world too. Just letting them do their thing and acting like it’s all normal is genuinely dangerous. I’m not necessarily saying we have to crack some skulls open, I prefer nonviolence wherever possible, but clearly there’s some work to do. I could apply that to myself as well. I have some vague hope that my political ramblings on a blog might nudge things along a bit in the right direction, but who knows really? Either way, I have a hard time writing about a game depicting a fictional war and not think about some real and present analogues.

Though you could argue that Zenoira isn’t necessarily a representation of fascism. Zenoira is just an unambiguously Bad Dude who leads by force. You could replace Zenoira with anything you consider bad and it’d probably kinda work. Perhaps Zenoira reminds you of those damn environmentalists, always trying to plant trees and shit. Fuckers. So I’m not saying Zenoira was explicitly designed to be analogous to fascism. I think there’s a deliberate vagueness to the villain’s evil to avoid being too politically charged. Does that mean I’m pulling these political parallels out of my ass? You can decide that for yourself. Perhaps I’m picking up on the developer’s intent they didn’t want to outright say. Or maybe it’s some of both and the tangent can just keep on going around and around.

Setting that aside for now, let’s talk more about who Rosalinde is. I just spent a lot more time talking about how she’s a dark elf than she ever does. Indeed she shows far more concern for her friends and hitting on Alain. I would say the girl’s got her priorities right, but she seems to prioritize others to a concerning degree. She doesn’t want the people she loves to suffer to such an extent that she’d much prefer it brought on herself. A desire that’s both noble and problematic, as Alain unpacks quite well in their rapports.

Rosalinde is apparently a 42 year old woman, but you can’t always tell by the way she acts. With Alain she often acts like a flirty young maiden, getting uncomfortably close to him as she makes her advances. She’s more direct about her interest in him than anyone else in the game not named Melissandre. As long as you don’t think too hard about the problematic age gap that’s pretty sweet. Probably better not to think about age gaps when it comes to elves any way. Thinking about it too much will break your brain. Maybe if elves were actually real it’d be worth worrying about, but otherwise? Nah. So I say after spending half a paragraph worrying about it… I guess you could argue that the elf age gap isn’t that much of a problem. 42 in elf years might not be too far off from 20 in human years. Maybe. Or maybe elves mentally age like humans but just live a lot longer so that point’s not guaranteed to be valid. Either way there’s still the problem that Alain is underage. This is plenty reason to condemn such a relationship in the real world. But if a gamer wants to have their player character bag the flirty elf wearing what looks like a one piece swimsuit I’m not going to say they’re monsters for it.

Tatiana

Ah Tatiana, an emblem to the more complex moral quandaries this game contains. She’s first introduced working under Lord Ghislain, a dude accused of performing cruel experiments on his own people and spreading plagues. We can’t stand by and let such barbarity continue! So we rush into battle and slay Ghislain, but uh… turns out Baltro was the one spreading the plague and this dude was working to cure it. Woops. There are some legitimate questions about the ethics of his research and the repeated sacrifices he made to see its fruition. Turns out research standards aren’t great in fantasy medieval not-Europe. Even so, he was truly doing his best to save lives from the plague. And Alain only really listened to him after he mortally wounded Ghislain. Welp. This is a rather similar situation to our fight with Lord Gaston. Hearing some horror story, rushing headfirst into battle, and grappling with the reality of what we’ve done afterwards.

Where Alain saw a monster Tatiana saw her savior. She believes wholeheartedly in what he was trying to accomplish, and is devastated by his demise. She’s deeply bitter towards Alain for that, but she decides to join his army any way. She wants to watch over the guy who killed her guy until he dies. A strange reaction for sure, but if it gets her in the army… shit why not?

Tatiana’s my favorite healer in the game, which is a bit surprising when Sharon exists. I just love Tatiana’s vibe. She’s a weirdo tired lady that says, “try not to die” with a hint of irritation when she heals you. She’s also seriously considering murdering Alain. She’s basically perfect! We need someone to bring that hater energy to the squad any way. That’s why I always keep her on my main team.

Also, I must say her tier 3 rapport with Alain is one of the best in the game. It’s a conversation that brings out some great insights into both characters. Alain seriously reflects on what he did to Ghislain, and all the other people he has killed along the way. Even if he fights for liberation, the people he killed don’t get any of it. He decides to apologize to Tatiana for not giving Ghislain a chance. This rapport puts Alain’s integrity on full display.

Tatiana for her part admits some of her blame directed at Alain is really just shifting it from herself. She claims to have dragged her feet on the cure to extend her time by Ghislain’s side. When she stood by his side she did little to nothing to stop him from losing his mind. Perhaps he would still be alive if she acted differently. So she thinks. Regardless of how you parse it, the dude’s still dead. Everyone he sacrificed is long gone too. This rapport conversation doesn’t give a definitive answer for how these realities should be grappled with. Unfair sacrifices continue to this day, and for far less noble causes. To have a conversation directly acknowledge these hard problems is great to see. Many games have you kill a bunch of people. Very few want you to think about what you’re doing.

Shrine of the Maiden

At a certain point in the game you’re given the Ring of the Maiden, and you’re prompted to give it to your most trusted companion. It matches with the Ring of the Unicorn and together they have special powers or whatever. It’s important for the end and has gameplay benefits, but it’s also a convenient excuse to basically have a marriage system. The thing is Alain can give the ring to basically anyone he has a three star rapport with. This includes the ladies, the dudes, lady owls, and more. You can only choose one, but there’s no major limits on who you can choose.

While you can only have one maiden, there’s absolutely nothing preventing you from save scumming to watch all the different cut scenes. So that’s exactly what I did. I genuinely had a hard time picking my favorite from this cast. There are quite a few characters I felt strongly attached to. So I decided to make my final decision based on how much I liked their cutscene where they accept the ring. And now here’s the part where I give this not-super-big part of the game a disproportionate amount of thought.

Since Lex is first on that list I screenshotted I’ll talk about him first. He’s kind of a fitting partner in a way, best friends for life and all that. Unfortunately for some, their dialogue was more bromance than straight up romance. This game does this weird ass thing where it lets you partner with either gender, but only has Alain be explicitly romantic with some of the ladies. They leave room for gay headcanons and all that fun stuff, but it’s all indirect. Feels like a bit of a copout. It’s emblematic of how the game handles queerness in general. They don’t let characters be gay directly, lest they turn off the bigots in their audience. But they let certain characters be gay enough for anyone with eyes to see to pick up on it. It’s like a dogwhistle except it’s for queer positivity instead of bigotry. Is there a word for that? Are catwhistles a thing? Whatever. I guess it’s still queer friendly by JRPG standards, but it could go further. We already saw them do that in 13 Sentinels, messy as it may have been. Culture war averted I guess.

I also decided to give some characters I had zero interest in having Alain marry a shot. I don’t care much about Scarlett, but I was curious what her dialogue was like. Turns out the answer was very vanilla and boring. Go figure! I guess some people would appreciate how straightforward and romantic it is, but meh. Similar story with Nina and Ralainor honestly. Melissandre was kind of cute. Sort of funny that she was totally down to be Alain’s mistress, but is against Alain having any if he picks her first. I respect the hustle I guess. I also gave some bestral/bestral-adjacent folks a shot. Quite the forward thinking game to let Alain marry an owl! Or is it backwards? Depends on how you view furries, and there seems to be a bit of an age gap. His covenant with Ramona isn’t romantic any ways so I guess we don’t have to worry about it. Any ways, as for Yunifi…

She’s uh, quite forward talking about making babies the second they hook up. There are other things I could comment on, but I shall refrain. I own the Unicorn Overlord art book, and according to that text this girl is 15 somehow. I sure wouldn’t have guessed that age if it wasn’t right there in the book, but it is. Now I get to be retroactively uncomfortable. These anime style games sure like to blur the lines. I’ve been engaging with this kind of stuff so long I’m rather accustomed to it, but it is still a bit much oftentimes. What are all these teenagers doing in a war zone any way? In this world they’re socially progressive enough to allow women in the army, but child soldiers are still fine? I guess Alain’s kinda forced to grow up too fast so he’s like “eh fuck it we’ll let other people my age risk their lives too.” Or maybe the residents of this medieval fantasy world consider high school age people old enough for war. I certainly wouldn’t agree, but I can’t say Yunifi isn’t helpful on the battlefield. Thinking too much about the ages of these characters can take you some dark places. Which is probably the reason why age is hardly ever mentioned in the actual story. Most characters don’t get their age directly mentioned at all. And then the only way to access this information is an art book that’s only available in Japanese and the Cosmia blog apparently.

Speaking of Unicorn Overlord characters being younger than they look, take a gander at this.

That’s an old ass 47 year old! Well, there’s plenty that could be said about the ages of anime characters. There’s all sorts of discourse you can find online about how much or how little such things matter. When I first got into anime as a kid I hardly thought about this at all. But I’m 27 now. I’ve watched myself get older than many of the characters I’ve grown attached to, and read plenty of Discourse in that process. I’ve interrogated myself on the matter frequently. It has become a part of my neuroticism. I don’t think these things have a simple one size fits all answer to it. I don’t think the way underaged anime characters are presented is entirely innocuous. But there’s always some sheer absurdity at play when you treat anime ages exactly the same as real people ages. How often do you meet real dudes that look like Mordon and find out they’re 47? I guess it’s not impossible, but yeesh.

I think as long as you have critical thinking and know not to use anime as your moral barometer for how to engage with real people of different ages you’re probably fine. Alas, critical thinking isn’t a guarantee for people these days. Guess the Discourse is just gonna keep going huh. I will note I did not know the ages of any of the characters when I tested out all these covenants. I don’t think I even remembered that Alain was supposed to be 17 at the time. As such, I was blissfully unaware of exactly how problematic some of the pairings I could test out would be. Now with the knowledge I possess I can criticize them from multiple angles. For the underage characters they’re less problematic in the sense that they’re appropriate for Alain to date them, but they’re basically agreeing to get married off the jump which is kind of weird! And also according to the rules of real world morality, it’s problematic for me, a not underage person, to want to video game date these underage characters I did not know were supposed to be underage at the time. And then with the not so underage characters, it’s not so problematic for me to find the idea of giving them a ring appealing, but it’s problematic for me to pair a 17 year old with them. Truthfully the only way for an adult player to not be problematic while playing as an underage protagonist is to not use the dating features at all! Or have Alain give Lex the ring because they’re totally just bros!

Perhaps there is something a bit fucked up about this feature letting you pair Alain off with literally anyone. Though the game painstakingly choosing which relationships in the medieval fantasy world are allowable under various modern place’s moral standards seems iffy too. As I type this shit out I wonder how much of any of this really matters. Discourse has infiltrated my brain and now I got Discourse playing out in my head without needing to see any one else’s opinions online any more. Like whatever dude it’s a video game, but didn’t you know fiction can affect reality sometimes in some ways? I could write a whole separate blog post about this and get stunlocked forever as this Discourse goes round and round and round and round until we all die in the nuclear winter. Or maybe some of us will survive but then we’ll finally have something more important to worry about than who did thought crimes to a video game character. How does culture shape our world? How can we find a perfect answer for fiction and reality’s messy relationship? I feel like an insane person just writing this shit out, but this is a really serious issue to a lot of people with an internet connection. Alright let’s get back to talking about the different anime girls Mr. Blue Hair MC-kun can hitch it with.

Moving on to characters I gave some serious consideration, let’s start with Chloe. I was never that likely to pick her, but I figured a good covenant conversation could change that. So what’s the verdict? Eh, it’s alright. She’s all like “sure I’ll do it as long as you act like yourself around me instead of all that fake ass prince shit.” Which is valid honestly. But somehow I wonder how fake that prince stuff really is for Alain. Sure it’s a personality he took on out of necessity, but it seems so deeply ingrained in him now. Is it really right to call that completely fake when it comes so naturally to him? *shrugs*

I briefly talked about Sharon’s scene earlier so I won’t say too much. I really liked the kinky part at the end, but the rest felt kind of standard. Sharon’s a good pick if you like her and/or want to cuck Ochlys for whatever reason. I do like her, and I don’t mind cucking Ochlys. Yet there are better options available to my eyes.

Like Berengeria, a strong contender on multiple fronts. She’s never been my absolute favorite, but she’s too good to ignore. Her covenant scene stands out because she hits Alain with some questions before she decides to say yes. Say the wrong thing and your ass gets rejected. Making it possible for a character to reject you at all is a power move. I like it. I also appreciate that this scene has more flavor than most. It also features one of Alain’s weirdest but most memorable pick up lines.

Tatiana’s scene was sweet, it’s a step towards reconciliation beyond their rapports. She gets to watch his life real close now, aight. They kept the romance aspect ambiguous. I have mixed feelings about that choice, but it’s fitting nevertheless. Even if they did get hitched they’d never be normal about it. Alain might try. It might work eventually. But it would not be a simple road, that much is certain.

I seriously considered going with Rosalinde. She seemed to be gunning for the covenant rather openly, and she’s certainly charming. Why not give her what she desires? So I gave it a shot, and when she runs up right next to Alain it’s a strong start. The rest of it is… well, it’s nice I guess. They’re very direct and hit the right notes, but it’s nothing too crazy. Not enough to catapult her up my list any way.

Now all that remains are the top contenders, and it got real hard to pick from here. Yahna’s among this cohort, and I didn’t end up picking her. That’s how tough the competition is. So it goes with monogamy. So if it isn’t obvious by now I’m a plenty big Yahna simp. I love everything about her and only wish there was more of her in the game. But I’m not making this decision solely based off of who I find the most appealing. I want to see how good their scene is. On this metric Yahna’s good, but she’s not quite at the level of the next two. That being said, its got one of my all time favorite Alain lines.

Bewitching bride is just kind of amazing. Somewhat cheesy but in the best way. The thought occurred to me that the age gap of this relationship spans several decades, but uhhh… eh fuck it. Who cares when you got a hot witch wife? Alain is not suffering in the slightest. Still for legal purposes do know the Cosmia blog does not condone real ass 17 year old boys getting hitched with someone old enough to be their great grandma. Really my biggest problem with this scene is that the chemistry isn’t anything special. Alain does not have a strong personality. You can pick anyone with him and it will still feel like an okay fit. He’ll find a smooth talk just right for his maiden. Yet he does have more than zero personality. As such there are some characters he hits it off with especially well. Yahna is not one of them.

It’s also one of those pairings that’s kinda fucked up if you think about it. I’ve got this fun brain where I tend to notice when something morally questionable happens in media, but I’ll often keep it pushing if there’s some aspect of it I enjoy. But the nagging of Problematic Thing Noticer brain doesn’t go away. But ultimately I know it’s a video game. Whatever harms may arise from hitching Alain with the sexy grandma in real life don’t make much of any practical difference in this case. I guess you could argue it could potentially reinforce a culture where problematic age gaps sometimes occur, but is Unicorn Overlord really going to be the big difference maker here? Is it really that important for a fucking anime game to be all moral all the time and clearly point out when something arguably immoral is occurring like we’re using the fucking Hays Code again? Like the only reason we need art is for a second round of Sunday school teaching us how to be an upstanding human being? As if people are supposed to learn their sense of morality from the art they engage in, so learning from Unicorn Overlord that entering a problematic age gap relationship with the sexy grandma witch might make people think that it’s totally fine for real 17 year old boys to hitch it with real sexy grandma witches? Are real sexy grandma witches even a thing that exist? Probably not any with the weird age regression thing Yahna has going on. The more I think about it the more irritating and exhausting this line of thought becomes. Yet my mind can’t ever seem to be satisfied with a definitive conclusion to this ambiguous situation, so I keep on having these sorts of thoughts. Welcome to my neuroticism folks. But let it be known, if you want to hitch Alain with the sexy grandma witch, some people may judge you for it maybe, but I think it’s mostly fine!

Next is my runner-up pick, the one I had the hardest time saying no to. The one and only Ridiel. The black haired biracial and probably bisexual maiden is somehow not the one I ended up going with. Sometimes I surprise myself. She hits all the right notes for me, and to make things better her scene is incredibly cute.

I feel like this scene speaks for itself but I’ll comment any way. Alain has reached the pinnacle of smoothtalking and Ridiel has reached the pinnacle of being surprised in an endearing way. Some of the other ladies walk in ready. They know how they feel about Alain and they know the significance of getting invited to this shrine. Like Rosalinde, or a certain character we’ll discuss shortly. Evidently Ridiel didn’t get the memo, so she has to decide if she’s ready on the spot.

Yet even with that surprise she hardly hesitates before agreeing to it. She resented her mother for hitching it with a human yet she finds herself doing the same exact thing. Alain’s main character rizz is powerful apparently. Dude has no shortage of pretty ladies attracted to him, and some dudes for good measure. At the very least he’s more charming than the average anime game protagonist everyone’s player-sexual for. Becoming queen’s probably a good deal for most of these ladies too. So Ridiel gladly goes along with it like anyone else. What makes her different is that she puts her Ridiel spin on it, and it’s a damn fine spin.

Ridiel’s shrine conversation is one of the best in the game, yet somehow I ultimately went another path. That’s not a knock against Ridiel in the slightest, it’s just a testament to how good this other one is. Also I’ve recently learned from the art book that Ridiel’s supposedly 16. Which uh, kinda surprised me. I assumed she was like 22 or some shit. I guess they made her BFFs with Chloe, and Chloe’s 16 so she needs to be 16 too. And Chloe being 16 also seems a bit surprising to me, but I guess she needs to be 16 so she’s around her friend Alain’s age. And Alain needs to be 17 so the game has some relatability to the teenager portion of this video game’s audience, and really driving that underdog point home. And so I dodged a bullet there and saved myself from accidentally being Problematic in the video game in that particular way. So who did I choose to make Alain give the Ring of the Maiden to instead? Well… Uhhh…

Welp, if it wasn’t already official it’s official now. I, Cosmia, have become Problematic. I had a whole assortment of viable partners to choose from for Alain, many of which would be less Problematic. Though as previously stated you could make an argument for every Alain pairing I could possibly do being problematic some way somehow. Yet I ultimately disregarded all of those options and made him marry his cousin. Virginia already has a ready and willing potential partner in the form of Gilbert. A dude I like and would rather not cuck if I could help it. Yet I hitched Alain with Virginia. Alain has likened her to a sister before. Virginia has likened him to a brother. Josef has likened her to Alain’s mother. She is both sister-coded and mother-coded. Furthermore, she is Alain’s actual cousin. Yet with all those layers of conceptual incest I embraced the ship regardless. Am I beyond saving? Well…

I could defend my decision by saying this is simply historically accurate. There’s plenty of cousin fucking to go around in real world royalty. It’s arguably more normal for Alain to marry Virginia than damn near anyone else he can pick. I could go on some tirade about how cousin marriage is legal in a lot of places and it’s not that bad actually. It’s still pretty bad but not as bad as some other problematic relationships you could engage with. But that doesn’t seem quite right. I generally don’t think cousin marriage is a good idea nor should it be encouraged. The thought of engaging with any of my own cousins in this way makes me uncomfortable. Yet somehow seeing Alain and Virginia together doesn’t bother me in the same way. I can think of two main reasons for this. One, they’re not real. Pretty self-explanatory. As long as the morally questionable actions are contained to the video game it’s not that big of a deal. There may be some unfortunate instances where people don’t keep it to just a video game thing, but how often is the video game the decisive factor in those actions? Not very often, I’d think. As for the other reason? Well, I like their dynamic, especially in this shrine conversation.

Virginia just struts in and asks for the ring right off the bat. Perhaps it is possible to say no to that, but that could never be me. If Virginia wants the ring she gets it. That’s just how we operate. Virginia may not wear pants, but it is clear she wears the pants in the relationship. Alain can’t help but get caught up in her energy.

It makes me think, here I am writing multiple paragraphs on the subject of fictional cousin romance. I’m shadowboxing with some hypothetical person on the internet that finds the fact this is an option at all reprehensible. I know they exist out there somewhere, or would if they played this game. Yet Virginia clearly isn’t bothered by it herself. Not only does she take the ring without hesitation, she asks for it before Alain even has the chance to offer it. There’s not a doubt in her mind, to the extent her mind exists at all. I think there’s something to learn from that. Why is she so confident in their covenant? Let’s try to see things from their perspective to answer that.

We know that Alain and Virginia spent a lot of time together growing up. It is repeatedly stated that they had a sibling-like relationship at the time. Many would argue that you should just stop there and keep it there. Perhaps that would be for the best. But that’s not exactly what happened afterwards now was it? The circumstances of war separated them for 10 years, and neither knew the other’s fate the whole time. They both went through similar trauma on the outset of war, but experienced it separately.

So when Alain appeared before Virginia again it came as quite a shock. There he was. The cute little brother she once knew has grown into a handsome young man who’s barely recognizable. Ten years is a long ass time to be apart. Their relationship may not have completely reset during that time, but it takes on a new form from that point onwards. They have to reconnect and rediscover each other.

This reconnection goes rather smoothly all things considered. Romance or not they have strong feelings towards each other. They want to get close again and they have sufficient maturity to make it happen. So it happens quite naturally. They share something that no one else does, and they’ve been sorely missing it for a decade.

Alain and Virginia are tightly knit. So much so that ten years apart just makes their relationship grow back stronger. All the trauma may still plague them, but they help give each other the strength to deal with it. One can argue this is the kind of thing any good family will do. Maybe so, but these two are a lot more intimate than your average cousins. At the very least I can safely say I don’t relate to my cousins like they do. Even if you don’t go the romantic route they still share a special bond that’s not exactly typical. I guess trauma bonding appeals to me in some way. What does that say about me… Read into that whichever way you’d like.

So hopefully by now you can kinda understand why I picked Virginia. Alain may be able to plausibly fit with damn near anybody, but there’s something unique and compelling about his relationship with Virginia specifically. They’re truly a power couple. Their bond has an intensity that few could match. I love their dynamic, and their covenant conversation cemented that. Watch it for yourself if you want to see why. It’s simply the best. To be fair I have not seen every single covenant conversation, so it’s technically possible there’s a better one out there. Probably not.

With that all being said, we do have to consider another angle to this relationship. I still got my art book that I spent a non-trivial amount on to buy that tells me all the ages of the characters. Based off of this information I get to see how old these characters are apparently supposed to be. Then I can tell exactly how Problematic and Bad I am or not for being attracted to certain characters or pairings. Woot. So what does the art book say about Virginia?

So as it turns out, Virginia is 21. So let’s see here… At the time I’m writing this I’m 27, though I was slightly younger when I originally played this game. Either way me being attracted to a 21 year old is on the lower end of acceptable. Probably too young for me to date but attraction’s whatever. Maybe you disagree. Fair enough, not like I can actually date or do anything with Virginia any way. If she were a real person she’d be dead for centuries. But what about the age gap between her and Alain? Alain’s 17 you know! Oh fuck I made an anime 17 year old date an anime 21 year old! That’s really fucked up because actual 17 year olds dating actual 21 year olds is Not Great. And also actual older cousins getting hitched with their 4 year younger cousins is even more fucked up. The real world instances of that tend to involve a whole lot of pressure and imbalances that can turn it into a really traumatic experience. I have failed to uphold morality in this video game and therefore I’m a bad person or whatever. So it goes.

Welp, think what you want about my decision making and mindset. I did what I did and I can’t change the past. I’d consider doing it again if I ever replayed this game too. I’d also consider trying someone else. Maybe I’ll make a chart breaking down every possible pairing so I can determine which one’s the least problematic possible pairing. Gotta uphold video game morality as best I can after all. I’m sure Virginia will be fine either way. She’s got a good thing going with Gilbert too after all. That’s the great thing about Virginia, she’s a queen no matter what.

Damn, these scenes only last a couple minutes but I spent significantly longer than that ranting about them. I’m a sucker for romance, and mental shadow boxing myself. Yet that doesn’t fully explain this phenomenon. It’s a bunch of scenes of Alain getting it hitched with basically anyone. How could that possibly work? Let’s be real, sometimes it doesn’t. Yet when it hits, it hits.

Let’s look at the common denominator in these conversations, Alain. He’s basically a harem protagonist at this point, but he’s a cut above the average MC-kun. He lacks a strongly defined personality as many harem protagonists do, but he has an advantage. He actually seems like someone people would want to date. Not to the extent shown in-game, but the dude’s a charmer. He’s got a smooth line from the heart for anyone and everyone he’s close to.

The other common demoniator is that he is the player character, and this is far from the first RPG with some sort of dating mechanic. Persona 5, Baldur’s Gate 3, and multiple Fire Emblem games come to mind. There are plenty of others out there in the world. Oftentimes they pretty much let you video game date anyone you want. Some restricting it to the opposite gender and some letting you date just about any ally you damn please. The fun side is that damn near everyone can get their fantasy fulfilled. The flip side is that if damn near anyone can love player character you leave a lot of broken hearts and questions of where to draw the line.

Persona 5 dating is similar to Unicorn Overlord’s. It doesn’t let you explicitly date any male characters, though you may get a hint of gay at times. Pretty much every female character you strike up a social link with is fair game to date, and then leaves it up to you to decide where the lines should be. Adults that feel strongly about upholding video game morals may have a difficult time engaging with either dating mechanic. After all, both Persona 5 and Unicorn Overlord feature underage protagonists. They can date people their age, which may be uncomfortable for the adult playing. Alternatively, they have the option to bag an older woman. This may feel better for the adult playing, but it comes with its own moral quandaries. The fact that almost every single female ally in the game can consider the protagonist a potential love interest raises some questions. Like absolutely none of these older women have an issue with dating a high school age Alain/Mr. Persona 5 Guy? That’s pretty messed up if you think about it that way. Also how are these protagonists with vague personalities so rizzful that they manage to bag pretty much any lady? If these anime women were more realistic some of them would reject MC-kun’s advances. But no one does because video game women have that limit to their video game autonomy. The player shall wish what they want. People out in the world may judge, but the video game will not.

As you can probably tell I have mixed feelings about this video game morality stuff. I used to let a lot of shit fly without giving it a second thought. Now I give more stuff second thoughts, but still let some shit fly any way. Less than before, but I am not entirely unproblematic towards anime characters. On one level I understand that art has a relationship with reality. It can have some degree of influence on people’s behaviors and so the messages they present can matter. You know, to vague ill defined and impossible to quantify extents. As nebulous and varied as the ramifications of fiction may be, the impact on people’s lives is certainly more than zero. If you’re not comfortable with something you see in media all power to you. Support the art that sits right with you. Criticize whatever you want for whatever reasons you so choose. We encourage being critical thinkers on the Cosmia blog. But some people just want to take a flamethrower to anything percieved as icky they see in media, and that doesn’t sit right with me.

Honestly it feels kinda stupid to give this line of thought so much energy. The world’s in a dangerous place right now. Who knows how far the war with Iran will go. What will life look like on the other side of this thing? How much life will be left at the other side of this thing? You gotta hope humanity will perservere in some form. However, this war involves some crazy ass governments with access to nuclear weapons, so y’know. Then Trump kinda vaguely implied he’d use them or something else with high destructive capacity, and then we got this ceasefire that’s on shaky grounds, and who knows what the hell things will look like a week from now.There are some grim possibilities. So why get hung up about what goes down in Unicorn Overlord? Whatever evils fiction could possibly perpetuate are dwarfed by some crazy old ass men that probably never watched an anime in their life. If you eradicated every morally questionable thing that occurs in art the real world harms would not disappear. I suspect doing that would actually make some of these problems worse. If we don’t have any artistic outlet to engage with these things, how are we supposed to come to any understanding of them? Just let people fester with whatever uncomfortable thing they’re dealing with in silence and hope they don’t blow up one day? Maybe talk to ChatGPT about it? Yeah sure that works great all the time. Totally.

This is a complicated issue with no easy answers. Though sometimes I wonder if I’m just saying that to avoid having to commit to certain answers. And back and forth my mind goes indefinitely. I think whatever solution there may be involves the creation of more art that shows a better way forward rather than trying to play censorship wack-a-mole on all the stuff you don’t like. Going the heavyhanded cop route may bring some perception of safety, but how much will be lost in that process? I don’t know the answer, and I don’t want us to find out. Because I have mixed feelings on this matter, I’m not going to go around issuing strong condemnations of those who fall on different ends of this video game spectrum. If you like to keep things all tidy and proper with your media consumption, do what feels right to you, whatever. If you’re into some wild shit, I probably won’t mind too much. As long as you know your boundaries with art and be good to the people you encounter it’s not something I’m too pressed about. I may look at you sideways for certain things, but I’m not going to be your strongest critic. So says the guy who went for the video game cousin. Yeah IDK man I just really like Virginia. When I think about it certain ways it’s kinda deep, but in other ways it’s really not that deep. It doesn’t have to mean much of anything at all if you don’t give it that power. I feel like I drive myself insane whenever I give this topic too much thought so I’m just going to move on now.

The Art, the Music, and Other Assorted Non-Gameplay Things

I must say this game’s aesthetics are on point. The artists really helped keep this game engaging. Gorgeous character designs, gorgeous backgrounds, dope animations keep my eyes constantly satisfied. To be fair the overworld part isn’t amazing looking. It’s good enough but those small sprites and okay looking landscapes aren’t the games’ strongest points. Even then there are some good details to be found. I like the dragon fossils lying around Drakenhold for instance. Really makes you feel like the setting’s got plenty of history you’re not a part of. The game looks good when it really counts. It also looks amazing in small places that other games tend to half ass.

Take a look at the assortment of tavern keepers, provisioners, and armorers in this game. Each region and sub-region comes with a unique design for each position. That’s a lot of characters to design. Yet they did such a good job with them all. Some of these are quite memorable, shame you only see them as an NPC with barely any lines. They reflect their region and tell you something about the appearance, culture, and attitudes of the people that live there.

For the record, this is not all of them. They get their own unique backgrounds and character designs, and the artists did not half ass it either. I can only imagine how much work went into creating each one of these. You do not see this level of detail given to shopkeepers in the vast majority of video games. It speaks to the game’s care for all sorts of people.

You could argue there are some notable absences. Certain identities are nowhere to be found while some fantasy identities take their place. Yet for every blindspot and type of person unrepresented there’s a strong sense Alain would welcome them into the Liberation Army all the same. As long as you share a common goal and don’t go murdering the homies you’re good to go. That’s the pattern throughout.

By the way can I just take a moment to appreciate some of the individual shopkeep designs? The bald guy running the coliseum shop has such a powerful aura to him. The first two tavern ladies at the top are way hotter than they have any right to be. Damn. And shout out to the polar bear armorer too. He’s well aware people will find him intimidating, and tries to reassure us. What a chill bear. Unicorn Overlord is a big game that pays a lot of mind to the little stuff. I appreciate that.

Besides looking good the game also sounds good. Part of that’s attributable to the rather fitting soundtrack. It’s not an all time favorite or anything, but it sets the mood well consistently. But honestly I was more struck by the voice acting. The Japanese dub’s probably even more amazing, but there’s some real gems in the English performances too. I especially like those pre-combat voicelines the captain of the party says before starting battle. Some of the game’s finest lines are among those ranks, and delivered quite well too! Like Rosalinde’s usually a sweetheart but when she runs into some hooligans she’ll hit ’em with, “How much punishment can you take?” Queen shit. Such additions may seem small by themselves, but they all add to an experience that immersed me for almost 100 hours.

The Gameplay

So I’ve spent plenty of time gushing about stuff like the writing, but how does the gameplay part of this game stack up? Pretty good honestly. It’s a fun time making tactical decisions while everyone’s on the move. The basic setup for every map is that you start from your own command post and pick the first handful of units you want to deploy first. From there what you do depends heavily on what the specific map throws at you. You decide where your unit is positioned and where they need to move. This is determined by factors such as the status of your units, the movements of the enemy, and the layout of the stage. That may sound a lot like other tactical RPGs you have played, and you’re probably right. But unlike most tactical RPGs I’ve played, there’s no grid. People can walk diagonally! It’s more organic and chaotic this way~

Indeed you have to navigate a lot of chaos to get through this game. Not only do you have to manage moving multiple units around at once, but you have to keep track of what your numerous enemies are doing too. Thankfully the game comes with a pause button, letting you take a lay of the land before deciding your next actions. And when you command someone to move they’ll keep moving until they reach the place you told them to. It is a lot to keep track of. Sometimes I messed up because I didn’t notice something crucial in time. Even so, it’s manageable.

Whether you intend to or not you’re going to run into some enemy units at times. That’s when the combat mechanics come into play. You can switch out which unit fights with nearby allies, but you can’t avoid fighting altogether. And the game lets you know how it’s going to go before you start.

Just listen to the captain of the squad’s voiceline and you’ll know how the fight’s going to go. If they sound confident go for it. If not, you might want to adjust your strategy. Maybe you’ll want to adjust either way. Even if you’re winning a fight, there’s usually a way to win harder. The amount of damage you do to each other is determined before the fight starts, but there are ways to tweak those numbers.

As I mentioned earlier you can switch out who fights. As long as they’re within a certain distance your allies can swap in and do the fight instead. There are many reasons you might want to do this. Perhaps that ally has a stronger matchup. A losing battle for one unit can be a winning battle for another. Other reasons include conserving stamina or prioritizing who you want to give experience. This is a powerful option, but it isn’t always available. Sometimes only one unit’s around. Even when you select the best matchup you probably still want to boost the damage. In that case there are other tools at your disposal.

Sometimes allies aren’t close enough to fight for you, but they are close enough to support from afar. Archers and magic users can send down a rain of arrows or fireballs respectively at the start of battle. This will do a large or small amount of damage depending on the enemy’s defenses and the attacker’s strengths. Healers can help out from afar too. After the fighting ends everyone that’s still standing gets some health restored. This can flip the outcome under the right circumstances.

There’s a certain balance to the assists. You won’t see enemies switch out, but they can use their own assist attacks. These can do major damage from either side. Especially if there’s multiple assists at once. But they’re hardly ever strong enough to win the fight on their own. The main crew usually has to deliver the finishing blow. There are also some cases where assist attacks make you do less damage overall. I honestly don’t fully understand why this happens. It has something to do with RNG, attack order, and targeting. Intricacies to the system that I’ll probably never fully comprehend. It leads to strange results. Ultimately assist attacks are less likely to be worthwhile if the opponent resists arrows and/or magic. It uses up one of your supporting character’s stamina and they don’t get the full experience. It’s not always the right call, but it can be a gamechanger.

You can also choose to use consumable items ahead of battle. This includes healing items, one time buffs, stat boosters, etc. If you’re about to take an L these items are a pretty reliable way to bail yourself out. Almost too good in some cases. You don’t want to spam the items too hard because you can run out, but it’s a powerful option when you have them. With items a weakened unit caught off guard can become a fully healed unit ready to kick their enemy’s shit in. I’m sure some people have/will do challenge runs not using items at all. Healing and stat boosting will never not improve your chances. These items are only balanced by scarcity, and they aren’t even that scarce.

So what do you do if all these other options aren’t doing the trick? That’s when you have to hunker down and do some fine tuning on your troops. One way to do that is changing out their equipment. Giving them stronger/different gear to help out with the situation. Certain equipment gives your character an extra move, and sometimes that new move’s exactly what you need. If you’re in the middle of the fight you can’t use equipment someone else has on. This both makes sense practically and is good for balance. But I wouldn’t say it’s completely balanced. Use this mechanic well and you’ll damn near always have better equipment than your opponent. It’s one of the main things giving your side an advantage even when outnumbered.

Formation is another important mechanic to consider. Once you’ve deployed a unit their formation is locked in, so they must be placed wisely. Each unit has 6 positions to choose from. 3 in the front and 3 in the back. Generally your enemy has to go through the front line before attacking anyone behind them. There are specific moves that make exceptions, but generally the front group’s taking most of the damage. So you want guys that can take a hit out front. Your backline’s for mages and anyone else you want to protect. You may want to adjust your positions depending on what kind of enemies you’re up against. I also sometimes rearrange characters for visual reasons. Bigger characters can obstruct your view of smaller ones in some cases. You don’t want to let Alain’s horse get in the way of Yahna’s full glory.

Perhaps the most intricate thing you can fine tune is the character’s moves themselves. Characters can use up to four active skills and four passive skills in one battle. Most of the time they’re working with less. You get more and more options for moves as the game progresses. You can choose which moves the character prioritizes and set conditions for when and where they’re applied. There’s so much intricacy to how these moves work. I’m amazed how much of a difference messing around with them can make.

That being said, I don’t mess with character’s moves often and even when I do I usually don’t mess with conditions. Why? It’s a lot of extra effort that’s usually not necessary. I can fine tune my team’s moves and conditions to destroy their opponent. However, there’s a shit load of people to fight in this game. Optimizing for each individual battle is a lot of work and you can usually get fine without it. And if you make a change for one fight and then forget to change it back you can screw yourself over a bit (source: me). I played the game on default difficulty and in that setting default move tactics usually work fine. But if you really want to master this game you’ll spend a lot of time with this mechanic. The amount of options you have here are overwhelming, but they are powerful in the right hands.

Once you’re satisfied with your tactics the only thing left to do is let the battle happen. You can skip it if you want, but I usually don’t. As the game itself explains these battles help you understand the mechanics. Seeing the moves and their effects in action goes a long way. Even if you ignore those practical reasons it’s usually fun to watch. Some battles are more entertaining than others, and they can get repetitive at times. But when they’re good you really don’t want to miss it. The voice acting, art, and animation are all quite good. If you skip all the battles you’ll never get to hear Tatiana ask, “do you want to die?” While she heals somebody. That would be a damn shame. Some of these moves can be pretty damn flashy too.

Depending on how the battle plays out your team either wins or loses. If you win the enemy is either wiped out or knocked back. If they’re knocked back they’re put on a timer before they can move again. If you’re the loser the same thing happens to you. When you’re knocked back you’re vulnerable to a follow up attack, so you better hope there’s allies nearby… or enough healing items.

Regardless of whether you win or lose your team’s going to lose one point of stamina. There are situational ways to avoid this, but most of the time that’s what’s happening. Your characters can only do so many actions before they need a break. This means you can’t just spam one powerful unit indefinitely without a cost. After a certain point they can’t keep moving any more and need to rest up. And while the unit’s resting they’re vulnerable. This can be bypassed with items to some extent, but you’ll run out if you use them too liberally. Stamina can be a bit irritating to deal with, but it feels kind of necessary. It would be easier to break the game without it.

You don’t even have to enter battle to do damage necessarily. There are certain items you can use to trap or attack enemies. More importantly there’s the valor system. You start a map with a certain number of valor points, and you can have up to 10. You can use them to deploy units, one point per unit. It limits how many you can bring out at once. You also use those same valor points to use characters’ Valor Skills. The Valor Skills are basically super moves you can use in the overworld map. Every character has at least one at their disposal. I kinda forget to use these sometimes, but they’re a really fun mechanic.

There’s a large variety of Valor Skills including many types of AOE attacks and stat buffs. With one swing of an oversized hammer barricades and enemies alike can get slammed. There are also some skills with powerful utility purposes. Many of which can be accomplished with items as well but shhhh. The Valor Skill I use the most often is probably Yahna’s teleport. For 2 points I can teleport my main squad to any ally or facility we’ve claimed. Considering how long it can take to move around these maps otherwise that’s very powerful. With this skill I can get Alain to wherever he’s most needed instantly. There are plenty of other busted skills to play with too. These abilities give you even more options and make you feel powerful. Enemies can use them too but not like you can. So you can argue it’s a bit unbalanced, but it’s the fun kind of unbalanced. The limited nature of valor points and having to choose between more units and skills also keeps it reasonable.

So that’s my basic overview of how the gameplay rolls. There are other mechanics I haven’t mentioned, but I think I covered the main ones. Basically you try to position and move your units in a way that leads to advantageous fights. Once you’re in a fight you’ve got a shit load of options to make that fight go better. It’s a combat system with a lot of depth but isn’t that hard to get into. The game eases you into the complexity at a natural feeling pace. If you play at lower difficulties the nitty gritty matters a lot less. But if you ask me the game’s less interesting when it doesn’t make you sweat the details.

I played this game on the default difficulty throughout my playthrough. I pretty much always do this whenever I play a game for the first time. The way I see it that’s the difficulty the game’s balanced around the most. But I honestly probably would’ve enjoyed it more if I ramped up the difficulty later on. After a certain point some of my teams were so strong they hardly ever struggled. If you’ve optimized enough you can pretty much just run it down and be fine most of the time. When that happens all the depth of the move orders, map layouts, enemy types, etc. become kind of irrelevant. It’s a difficult balance to strike. There’s certainly room for improvement, but I think the devs did a great job getting it to this point.

Conclusion

You might have noticed that I had mostly positive things to say about pretty much every aspect of the game I covered. The story’s mostly good, especially with select subplots. I don’t love every character, but they’re just kinda boring at worst. At best they’re some of the best characters I’ve seen a video game offer. I think my Virginia brainworms will last a long while, and it won’t be just her either. Visually it’s a spectacle befitting the game’s continental stakes. The gameplay is rich and usually fun. 100 hours well spent with an excellent game. I’ll need to sit with it to determine exactly how much I like it, but it’s absolutely a new top 10 game for me. You can probably tell just based on how damn long this blog is. I could constrain myself, but here’s where I let it all out. If you somehow managed to get through this whole thing… I appreciate you. I really hope it was worthwhile for you. If you just read a portion, I appreciate you too. Seriously.

As much time as I’ve spent playing this game and you might have spent reading this, let’s not forget about something. Just think about how much went into the creation of this game. This game is a monument to a massive creative undertaking. All the artists, programmers, voice actors, and everyone else involved put their efforts into this hefty game. So many people with different perspectives worked together towards a common goal. That common goal being making this game a reality. That’s true of pretty much every game ever, but rarely is the power of that collective effort so apparent. Unicorn Overlord is a big game, but there’s a lot of care put into its smaller components. I don’t recall encountering a single glitch. I’m sure there are some, but it’s clear they did extensive playtesting. Point is Unicorn Overlord was a massive undertaking, and we get to enjoy the fruits of their efforts. It tastes delicious. This game’s a 10 for me, and I don’t say that lightly.

Thus concludes my first blog post of 2026, though a certain Spartan posted something before me. This year has been… eventful. We’re not even halfway through it. Fuck. As per usual I make no specific promises on when the next blog will be, but you know there’s always something cooking in the background. Stay tuned if you like. Or if you hated this blog uhhh… well, I don’t think the others would change your mind but who knows right? I’m impressed you read this far if you hated it any way. But hater energy can be rather powerful sometimes. Peace be with you regardless.