Hello folks, Spartan here.

As you’ll no doubt see before this one, Mr. Cosmia has reviewed Pikmin 2 at my request, which means I’ve got to make good on my word and review the game he sent me, I sure hope it isn’t a FromSoft game, because I REALLY hate those. and it is….

Oh, a Spike Chunsoft game eh? well Mr. Cosmia had me play Danganronpa and A.I Somnium files in the past and those games weren’t that bad (compared to Dark Souls III and Bloodborne at least). Well, time to review this bad boy. Also, spoilers will be mentioned, so read at your own risk. This is your last warning

The Story

Alright, so for my last review of Disco Elysium I gave a bit of the story in the beginning but didn’t summarize the whole thing, and I’ll be doing that too here I guess. I should mention first and foremost that I played this game on the PS4, and this was originally a Nintendo DS game. The game opens with a cgi model of a ship sailing on the sea.

We then are shown a black screen that eventually reveals where we are. We play as Junpei, a person described as “an ordinary college student” and honestly I agree

He hits his head on the ceiling, and awakens to see that he’s in a cabin, or more accurately a ship’s cabin. This turn of the century room is styled in much the way a passenger ship would house a passenger, metal pipes and all, this is the first room of the game, the 3rd class cabin.

Junpei notes that there’s a letter “5” written in what appears to be paint (or he hopes is paint) on the door, and said door is locked. To further add to this problem, a nearby porthole begins to break and let water fill the room, creating a sense of urgency that honestly wasn’t that pressing. Narratively, it’s to force Junpei to think on his feet and escape the room before he drowns, but I kid you not, I spent more than 40 minutes trying to figure out the puzzle and he would’ve drowned if it were on a time limit.

Scrambling around the room, the game reveals what genre it is: A puzzle game. Now, normally I’m not the best at these games, nor do I ever seek them out intentionally but sometimes I surprise even myself with my aptitude while playing through them. Though I will confess, some of the puzzles in 999 I had to look up the answers to because of one simple problem: Math.

Yeah, even if it’s simple math I’m not the best at it. There are two main skills that you’ll need in life and I went with writing as my skill. So color me surprised when the game forces me to do addition and multiplication in several rooms to continue with the game. For what it’s worth the game offers up a calculator on the menu to automatically find the digital root of a number, but you can’t always access the menu, so it’s kind of a moot point.

After a while of messing around with briefcases and keys Junpei manages to unlock the door and escape into the hallway before he drowns. He eventually reaches a main foyer where he encounters a few people

And 3 other people, a tall man with a lab coat and prominent widows peak haircut, a distinguished looking silver haired gentlemen in a refined coat, a girl with violet hair in twin ponytails and a black and pink jacket. Confused, Junpei asks what’s going on and is then ordered by the fishmonger to check the doors on B deck, where they encounter two numbered doors, one with a 4 and another with a 5 plastered with what I hope is paint. The aforementioned fishmonger tries to break through the steel plated door with his weight but to no avail. After realizing their attempts to open the door are futile, Junpei spots another person coming down the stairs,

Junpei realizes who she is: Akane, a girl he knew in elementary school and she reciprocates by calling him Jumpy, a pet name of sorts. But their reunion after several years of not seeing one another is cut short by the loudspeaker, as an unidentified person’s voice blares through the speaker, introducing himself as Zero.

He mentions that the 9 people present are going to play a game known as the nonary game, where they have 9 hours to escape the ship. There are 9 doors throughout the ship and there’s not enough time to check every room before the ship floods. He makes it very clear though that “It is hidden, but an exit can be found. Seek a way out, seek a door that carries a [ 9 ].”

From there the ragtag cast give themselves code names to hide their identities from both Zero and each other (Junpei though doesn’t get one, as June revealed his name upon their reunion). I could list off the codenames and who is who but I provided said info in the character discussion below. While that’s going on, the 9th man has other ideas, namely heading off on his own by taking the ponytail girl hostage

He forces her and the scientist to open the 5 door and he walks through himself, with it shutting behind him. Before anyone else can realize what’s going on, a timer slowly starts ticking down and the 9th man panics, as a bomb placed in his stomach detonates, blowing him up. The results on the other side of the door, are not pretty.

Resolving to not end up like the 9th man, the ragtag team elect to find the 9 door and escape before they all drown, setting up the chain of events and multiple endings to follow.

The Cast:

In the few Spike Chunsoft games I’ve played before, I know that they pride themselves with having well written characters above all else. After all, most of their games are story driven, and it’s imperative that the characters are engaging and interesting and well, there ARE some interesting characters, let’s go in reverse order because why not?

The 9th man (true name: Teruaki Kubota)

This is a character I feel nothing for because nothing is all I really know about him. Well, that might be a bit of an over exaggeration because we DO learn about him but what we learn is rather unsavory and deplorable. He doesn’t last very long in the game, and gave the demonstration of the SAW-like contraptions that have been implanted in the participants of the 2nd nonary game whether he wanted to or not. Regardless of his true involvement he served his purpose well and met a gruesome end that I, (a self described haemophobe whose toes curl inwards at the sight of gore) will never forget.

Lotus (True name: Hazuki Kashiwabara)

Easily one of the more interesting characters of the game, Lotus stands out among the cast due to her exotic outfit and being the oldest woman present (but don’t say that to her face). A single mother of two daughters in Japan (not an easy feat) she works in IT and has an impressive knowledge about computers. Throughout the game I was frequently wondering what her deal was and if I could trust her, as she’d approach Junpei with propositions of forming an alliance and leaving the others behind. Thankfully, she’s not all bad and is just as innocent in all of this as Junpei is, if not more so.

Seven: (true identity uknown)

A lumbering mountain of a man, Seven is the stereotypical muscle of the ragtag team and it shows. Throughout the game he often relies on his strength to open doors (to minimal success) and doesn’t really contribute to solving the puzzles that require mental strength. His fishmonger getup threw me for a loop though, but it takes a bit for him to open up on account of amnesia hitting him hard. Not a lot to really say on him except for the fact that he’s got a good heart and is willing to look out for the rest of the captives.

June

Named after the month I was born in and possessing a personality that’s best described as “Cheerful, and nothing more” June is Junpei’s childhood friend and main driving force for him to succeed in the game to save her. She’s kind to those around her even if they don’t deserve it, but is shown to be on the frail side as she suffers from a fever during one of the paths. Her true role in the game honestly confuses me, because it’s heavily implied that she died as a kid, but then set this all up as an adult and it’s left ambiguous as to whether or not she’s even alive in the present day.

Junpei

The main character and someone who fills his role as a shouen anime protagonist rather well, even if it’s a bit stale. Throughout the game he’s the one doing most of the work in the many rooms of the ship to survive, all the while coming up with witty quips and jokes throughout the experience as an attempt of comedy. Much like Seven I really can’t say too much on this guy because he’s kind of just there to fill in for the audience. Yeah, you can sympathize with him but why do that when Lotus is already present?

Clover:

What do you get when you put Junko Enoshima, Strawberry Shortcake and a schoolgirl outfit in a blender? Not a red mess, you get Clover Field! (yes, that is actually her name)

Clover’s a bit of a wildcard, as most of the non canon endings have her become an attempted murderess and or die from circumstances beyond her control. That being said she’s your typical teenager, filled with energy and snapping back at adults with witty banter and insults. Though she and her brother Snake are a package deal and for most of the game he’s MIA, so her usual cheery demeanor is replaced with a sullen, withdrawn ambivalence. Said attachment to her brother is so intense that she’s willing to kill others to escape, as the bracelets they are equipped with only come off in death.

Santa

Ah Santa, he’d fit perfectly into a final fantasy game with all of his ribbons and baggy pants. He’s a superstitious bastard who hates hope, faith, love and luck (which are what the petals on a four leafed clover represent, apparently) but has a soft spot for his little sister. Throughout the game I got the suspicion that he’s the one behind it, and well, he DOES look like a burglar, maybe it’s the hair. Honestly didn’t like this guy, even if his white hair looks cool.

Snake (Real name: Light field)

He’s clover’s brother and damn you if you don’t remember that, cause the game sure as hell won’t. His tall and refined tone of speech reminds me of a prince, and if I recall that was what Junpei initially thought he was. He chose his name based on the term snake eyes (when you roll two ones on a pair of dice). His name is a bit ironic though, as he doesn’t have any eyes (well, he DOES, but his eyes are always slanted like Brock from Pokemon) and thus is blind. But for a blind person, he’s pretty capable despite his lack of sight, seemingly relying on his ears to navigate his surroundings. As a man who can (semi) find his way while blind, I can respect this guy, probably has hearing on par with mine if not better. He contributes to the group by giving them a list of instructions from Zero, who has graciously given them to him as a gift because he is “robbed of sight” unlike the rest of the participants. Said message is in braille, and only he’s able to read it which cues the group in on how the game works.

Ace (true name: Gentaro Hongou)

And last but not least we have Ace, the man who started the game in the first place. Voiced by the legendary Richard Epcar (Mr. Cosmia, if you don’t know who that is by this point, I’m disappointed in you) he plays his role as a deranged psychopath very well and in my opinion is the best character in the game. Epcar has played a lot of villains in popular culture very well, so him being given the role of Ace is fitting, plus his past outfit reminds me of Daisuke Jigen from Lupin III, another role he played perfectly.

Suffering from prosopagnosia (when you can’t recognize other people’s faces) he did all of this “to be able to see the faces” through the use of morphogenetic fields (something the game explains as a way of telepathy as I understand it, transferring information from one organism to another without verbal or physical contact)

As a villain, he’s… alright? the game makes him more threatening in the recollection told by Seven though, where he’s compared to a violent animal raging against his interference. I guess he’s technically NOT the main antagonist of the game (more on that later)

The Music

One of the important components to a Spike Chunsoft game is the music, and like any media, it’s got it’s hits and misses. Most of the music present is atmospheric, designed to help with the setting of the trapped rooms you find yourself in. I don’t think going over every piece of music in the game is going to make for good content, so I’ll pick one that I like and one that I hate. It’s worth noting you can find the soundtrack online on YouTube and other platforms, so it’s not hard to find.

The song that I like is titled Septenary game, and it’s hard to explain why exactly. It’s got a bit of a sciency/mysterious vibe to it, like you’re in a dingy basement working with chemicals to create something. IRL i’m a general biologist (or, I’d like to be) so anything science related is an automatic win. This primarily plays in the operating room with the creepy medical dolls, one of which you have to find the parts to. The eerie feel of exploring a 1920’s medical room with the old wooden counters and primitive tools is amplified by the music. 10/10 I’d listen to it again.

The song that I absolutely hate is called Senary game, because it’s repetitive beats going up and down with seemingly no rhyme or reason. I hated the rooms that had this music in the background and tried to finish them as fast as possible.

The Finale (OBVIOUS SPOILERS)

After going through numerous paths and dead ends with endings that range from meh to WTF, You proceed down a path that has everyone (save for snake) present and accounted for. Following a long and complicated list of objectives like talking about freezers in a certain room and giving Clover the clover bookmark that Santa found earlier in the adventure, Junpei, Clover and Ace go through door 1 and eventually enter the captain’s quarters, where a man dressed in a captain’s uniform lies face down.

This man however, did not indulge in the vine, but he is in fact deceased. On his left arm is a watch similar to the ones the main cast wears but his depicts the number 0, leading everyone to assume that this man IS Zero. They finally escape the room (after Junpei gives Clover hope by mentioning that Snake’s corpse had a bone sticking out from his left arm, a limb the real Snake does not have) And rendevous with everyone else. As it turns out, the other group found door 9, which means they all can escape this ship before they drown. Rushing to the elevators they arrive at a room not found on most cruise ships nowadays: the chapel. There they discover the grim truth: There are two 9 doors, but not everyone can leave. With their current numbers, either 4 people leave and 3 are left behind, or 3 leave and 4 are left behind. Seven plans on sacrificing himself for the sake of the others, but Santa has other plans. Pulling out a golden revolver that was discovered in previous routes, he holds it up to June’s head

Santa forces June, Ace and Lotus to go with him through door 9, leaving Junpei, Clover and Seven stuck in the chapel room. With no way to get through the door now, they feel as though all hope his lost, but in the far off corner of the room, a pounding noise is heard within the coffin. A disembodied voice tells Junpei the code, and he inputs it on the keypad to open the coffin, revealing Snake to be alive (but wearing weird cultist clothing). With little time to spare, they briefly fill Snake in on what’s been happening since he’s been knocked out and they proceed through the second 9 door. And this eventually leads to in my opinion is the worst room in the game: The library.

Normally, I enjoy libraries both in real life and in gaming. But in a game like this where you need specific books to solve a puzzle, it gets irritating. ALL THE SHELVES LOOK THE DAMN SAME, and the books you need barely stand out. It’s also here that Junpei remembers the All-Ice story that June told him a while back. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, oops. There’s only so much I can really say with the numerous plot threads in this game. To sum it up, on the original Titanic was a mummy of an Egyptian priestess frozen in a form of ice known as ice-9, which doesn’t melt at room temperature. The body of the woman is supposedly cursed, and as it was on the Titanic when it sank they believe the curse was what led to it sinking. The body was eventually recovered alongside the other corpses frozen solid in the North Atlantic, and was bought by a Titanic survivor and enthusiast, who supposedly put her in a “forest of knowledge” before he died.

Eventually, the group makes it out of the dreaded library and into a workshop where they surmise zero made all of the gadgets and set up the nonary game. They also find a sarcophagus, but it contains nothing inside. The true reason behind the nonary game is revealed to be because Cradle Pharmaceutical CEO Gentaro Hongou (Ace) wanted to use morphogenetic fields to cure his prosopagnosia, but because of an error in assigning the 18 children to one of the two facilities (one an actual ship called the Gigantic, and another location made to mirror the Gigantic in the middle of the Nevada desert called Building Q). In the ship, Seven rescues the children from the incinerator, all of them save for one young Akane Kurashiki. Gentaro forces her into the incinerator to solve the puzzle, but because her brother is also on the ship (not in building Q telepathically communicating with her) and when she fails she is burned alive in a very grisly cutscene that makes me question the mental state of the game developers.

In the present though, the true ending has Junpei link up with young Akane through morphogenetic fields and helps her solve…. the easiest damn puzzle in the entire game, that she wasn’t able to solve in 3 minutes….

To be fair, the original DS version had Sudoku, which is something that takes more time unless you’re skilled at it. I only played Sudoku once in my life and didn’t enjoy it (though I was 9 when doing so, so my opinion might change later). Either way, both versions of the puzzle are solved, allowing both young Akane and Junpei’s group to escape the furnace and avoid being cooked to a crisp. The group escapes open the last door to learn the truth: They weren’t on the sister ship of the Titanic at all, but instead at building Q (the second location of the nonary game, identical puzzles and all), located in the middle of the Nevada Desert

They find a car with a full tank of gas and Hongou tied up in the back, and elect to use it to pursue Santa and June. Along the way they clear up a few lingering mysteries with the reluctant admittance of Ace (who has tape on his mouth, which Junpei periodically puts back on to shut him up). Along the way they wonder whether or not All-Ice was real or just a myth. That’s when they encounter a female hitchhiker dressed in Egyptian garb, flagging them down for a ride. Clover stops the car to let the stranger on and the game ends there.

Rodent Quota

In keeping with established rules of the game trade, there is the all-important Rodent Quota, where games are judged on the presence of rodents in them. Starting way back with the first game trade Mr. Cosmia and I embarked on (Kingdom hearts and Persona 5) both fulfilled the quota quite easily and it’s been a staple ever since, So does Zero Escape have any rodents?

No, Not a single trace of mice or rats in the damn game.

Seriously, I find this hard to believe. Even in the middle of the Nevada desert there’s 9 different species of rodents, and you mean to tell me not one was able to breach the walls of building Q given that they’re able to fit in holes the size of a dime. Even if there was say, a kangaroo rat running through the halls of the mostly abandoned facility I think it would’ve been a nice tip off to keen eyed players who would sense that something is up with this “ship”. But no, like Pikmin 2 that Mr. Cosmia reviewed this game fails the rodent quota.

The Verdict:

Zero Escape: Nine Hours, Nine Persons, Nine Doors is another addition to the Spike Chunsoft library of games that differs from what I usually play. Most of the games in my repetoire are action adventure games, with a few oddballs here and there. And Zero escape fits in the latter category for certain. Since Mr. Cosmia had me play Danganronpa a while back, I look at these games as relief from other games that I’d no doubt dread playing. They often make me think deeply into the mystery that surrounds the narrative, but here? I feel like the overall setup is drowned out by the talk of root numbers and digital roots. I wasn’t the best at math growing up (still am, but simple addition, subtraction, multiplication and division I can semi do in my head) so any game that forces me into complex math puzzles to continue isn’t going to be earning any favors with me. The story here is good and the cutscenes are enjoyable enough but the gameplay leaves a lot to be desired in my opinion. Can’t even really suggest any way to divorce the digital root problems from the game as they’re so integral to the nonary game. Overall, i’ll give this game a 7.5 out of 10, which is coincidentally the exact same score (a 75) that I’d always hope to get on any math test I ever took because I’m so bad at them.

(Also, because I didn’t have a good place to put this, Lotus is best girl, but then again the competition isn’t exactly all that fierce when a little girl, kidnap fodder and non-speaking egyptian mummy priestess are the only other options).